Several people have asked for more details about Adelaide’s birth, so I’ve finally gotten to writing it down. I’ll warn you that some might find this all to be a bit too much information, so feel free to skip to the end. My other disclaimer is that I could have some of the facts or timeline wrong. It was a full-on day and this is only the story from my perspective.
Our due date was 5th September. I was not expecting anything to happen on her date so when the day came and went, I wasn’t too disappointed. I had an idea in my head [a feeling in my waters?] that Tuesday would be the day. Liz, our midwife had arranged to come over on Monday and ‘sweep the membranes’.
Like she promised, Liz came over on Monday, and gave us a great report, the baby’s head was right down low, the cervix was soft, and we would be seeing action soon! All good news, so I decided to keep busy and get a few things done, just in case it was really going to happen soon. I did the grocery shopping, cooked tea, my sister arrived from Ballarat, and I repacked all the hospital bags. Finally around 10:30 Andrew suggested we go to bed, and promptly fell asleep.
As usual for me, I woke 50 min later needing to pee, so I popped on my dressing gown and ugg boots, braved the cold and went to the toilet [we have an outdoor toilet]. Coming back I suddenly felt REALLY hungry and ate some toast. I decided to do a bit of research about the effectiveness of membrane sweeps. An hour later I went to the toilet again, and as I did felt a small “pop”, and suddenly found that I had ‘lost my mucous plug’. Woah. I started to feel a little excited. Ten minutes later, I had my “show” and immediately I felt a mild contraction. Now I started to feel REALLY excited.
I figured that if things were getting started, I should try to get some sleep. Yeah right. I gave that up after about 1/2 hour. The contractions were getting stronger, and even though I knew I needed to sleep, I was not relaxed at all! Andrew kept snoring on, so I got up again and did some more reading about the early stage of labour. The contractions were getting closer together, but were still about 10 min apart. Another ones started and I felt a sudden gush. No way! That couldn’t be my waters, could it? This was around 1.40am. From that point I began properly timing and found out the contractions were 6-7 min apart. I thought I should call Liz, so I woke Andrew to see what he thought. He was soon wide awake and excited! I called Liz to find out what to do and she said it sounded like we were in real labour. WOO!
We hung out at home, Liz came over about an hour later and stayed with us for about an hour or so. Andrew packed the car, and we waited as the contractions got more painful and closer together. We remembered to take some photos [I was as pregnant as I was going to get, so I needed a last belly pic].
Around 5:30am we decided to go into the hospital. I was starting to feel a bit shaky between the contractions and we had no idea how long or short this thing would be. At the hospital Liz ran the bath and I jumped in. This is where I lose all track of time. I was in there for a long time. Andrew kept giving me my water bottle, my toenail polish started to float off and I looked like a white wrinkled prune. Initially the contractions slowed down, but they came back with a vengeance! I kept rocking and breathing through them with Andrew and Liz encouraging me. After some time of this, I lost some focus and started to panic a little, but managed to mostly pull it back together. Liz checked my cervix and said she couldn’t feel it, I must be fully dilated. Woo! Time to jump out of the bath.
The next part was very frustrating. I was being told to push with the contractions, but I had no idea how to! I stated to feel upset with myself for not knowing what to do - women do this all the time right? The contractions slowed down again. The hooked up some hydrating stuff to a drip. After a while, Liz checked again, and found that the cervix had reappeared and I was actually only 5cm. Holy Crap! I went back to the bath - this time with gas for pain management. Here’s the part where it gets a bit blurry. The gas made me feel really ‘out of it’ I was feeling the pain, but didn’t feel in control. At one point, Liz asked if the gas was helping, and I replied “no, but I feel quite out of it. This makes a good case for recreational drug use” Andrew and Liz decided that I was high [was not! I say stupid things all the time damn it]. I really did not like being in the bath with the gas. I think I’d have been much better to keep up the movement instead of using the gas, but hindsight is much clearer.
Liz finally suggested that as it was going to probably take another 4 or 5 hours to reach full dilation, and because I wanted to feel a bit more in control [ruling out pethadine as pain relief] that we go for an epidural. 4 or 5 hours? I didn’t think that I could last that long, so I reluctantly agreed to an epidural. So up on the bed I hopped and the anaesthetist came and put the scary needle in my back and gave me a bolus [one off] dose of whatever it is that they put In there. Woah. I couldn’t feel my legs, or anything below my chest. Trippy!! This was my chance to rest. Andrew took a picture of me hooked up [they also added Synctocin [?] some time around this stage too] and he was told to go get some sleep. He wasn’t keen on leaving me but he did as he was told [he’d been with me the whole time and he really needed to rest].
In a while it got exciting again. I’d had a rest [didn’t sleep though] and the contractions were quite strong. It was almost time, or so we thought. Nope. For the second time we were told it was going to take a while longer than they had thought. I felt crushed. Again I was being told to push, and I couldn’t work out what or where I should be doing that. Meanwhile, there was much fussing and I think some disagreement about one of the drips, and my blood pressure being very low. As the epidural wore off, I felt the contractions with force and OMG! Its the kind of stuff you can not describe. I felt sure the baby was just going to come out of my bottom instead of the birth canal! Try as I might, and trust me I was, I couldn’t consistently get the muscles working in the places I needed to get an effective push. I started to feel more and more disheartened. The whole time Andrew and Liz were encouraging me, directing me, and doing everything they could to help me get this baby out!
The Dr came back [he’d been before to check on where things were at and had said we weren’t there yet]. This time he was going to do something. I wasn’t handling the pain now at all. I knew I wasn’t really in a rational space, and I knew I wasn’t in control, and it really bothered me, I was embarrassed at my own behaviour and thinking about how this was “good” pain, because it was bringing our baby with it, but I still couldn’t rise above it like I needed to. Some where here the baby had come at least part of the way down the birth canal and it’s head was visible. I remember Liz saying “it’s got hair” and someone asking if it was fair or dark. I’m sure Liz said it was fair, but hard to tell what colour b/c of the vermex covering it. That was a good bit in an otherwise ‘bad’ time.
The Dr got out the forceps (we liked the idea of suction better but he said forceps were the best, so I said, “Whatever, just get her out!’). He tried as many times as he was allowed to [there is a legal limit]. I had to push as he pulled, and I gave it everything that I could muster. It wasn’t enough. I could see him shaking his head as I pushed - I know he wasn’t doing it to make me feel bad, but to see him shake his head as I was giving everything I had was crushing. I knew that if this didn’t work we had to go to Caesarean, which I did not want. However more than that, I wanted my baby to be born!
They kept telling me to push even as we got ready for me to be moved, just in case we could get her out. I was so disheartened by now. Liz was overwhelmingly encouraging, and spent ages telling me the good things about what was about to happen - we were about to have this baby! She was absolutely fantastic, and helped me to feel like we were going to be ok.
Andrew was off to change and I was taken to the theatre and trussed up with all sorts of green sheets to ward off germs. They stuck sheets up so that I couldn’t see [which I thought was a bit unfair! I miss out on all the fun bits!] Now that I couldn’t feel the pain, my head was clearer and I was able to joke a little, and take in the experience. Andrew came back, and it was all on. I could feel what felt like 10 people poking and pulling at me, including someone pushing the baby’s head back up the birth canal. At least it’s what it felt like, and when I asked later, it was exactly what they had been doing.
7:25pm. Andrew was told to poke his head over, and soon I heard what sounded like a cat being stepped on. “Thats our daughter” Andrew informed me. Oh my goodness! Soon Liz walked around holding a green sheet with what looked like a giant baby in it. The baby was BIG red and squirmy. I just began crying!! Our little baby girl was out in the world and she was ok!! There was nothing else I could do, I was so happy, so relieved, and so many things that I still can’t describe, and so I cried for about 5 min. Andrew was over with the baby, he got to cut the cord, and eventually they brought her over all wrapped in warm towels and I got to hold her. She did a little spew [her first!] amniotic fluid I assume, and not long after I did a little spew [Confectionary company snakes in my case]. Off to recovery for us all.
By this time I had a massive headache and neck ache. Liz brought the baby over and got her started with feeding. I felt really bad about this, but I couldn’t keep looking at her and closed my eyes. I was so, so exhausted, and I knew that she was ok. I am extremely grateful that she was able to start feeding and be so close to me so early, even though I was too tired to even hold her.
The next morning the midwives brought her to me and I got to hold and look at her properly for the first time. It was absolutely incredible!! Even now 2 weeks later, I still feel as incredulous when I look at her and think, ‘Wow, we did that!’.
I do still feel a sense of failure on my own part. I feel that I was not strong enough to keep focus and actually give birth to my daughter. I’m pretty sad about my lack of endurance and inability still, but I’m also undyingly happy and grateful that Addie is alive and well and here! I think the staff, and in particular our midwife were just incredible. I felt like we were abundantly loved supported and cared for and served during this time. I couldn’t have asked or wished for more, and I would [and God willing will] do it all again in the future.
