Today I had two mummy fails. One was kind of embarrassing and funny [unless it is you!], the second was just heartbreaking.

Last night [Sunday] I decided at 6pm that I would leave for my trip to Ballarat in the morning [Monday], and not on Tuesday as planned. So far so good. I packed everything up, put away my precious sewing stuff and left this morning, the house still messy but Andrew assuring me he'd be happy to clean it. Who am I to complain! Addie and I arrived in Mildura at lunch time. She needed a nappy change and was still in her PJs, so I popped her in the pram and went to the shopping centre where they have a nice parenting room. 

I'm using disposables for the trip, so off came the nappy, I wiped her bottom and put it all in the stinky bin. I reached in my bag for the new nappy. Uh oh!! No nappy! I'd put the nappies in the OTHER bag which was in the car a LONG way from where we were. I had a nudie baby in a shopping centre. What do you do then? 

I hoped desperately that someone would walk in just then and I could beg a nappy from them. I mean were the tables reversed, I'd give someone a nappy. However at this time no one was using the room, and no one walked in. Damn!

So I scouted for something to use. I grabbed a wad of toilet paper, and realised that Addie had just done a big wee on the change table. Well at least it probably gives me a few more minutes!! So I cleaned her up, stuck the toilet paper under her bum and put her PJ pants back on. I stuck my portable change mat under her in the pram so as to not ruin the upholstery and went to Woolies where they conveniently sell WOW nappies in a sample pack for 60c. Thankfully there was no big accident and we averted the disaster that could have happened.  I could just imagine pushing the pram and leaving a wet drippy trail in my wake.

The second fail was tonight. This is the one that is breaking my heart! I put her to bed in my parents rather large house and turned on the baby monitor. I'd tested that it worked and was on all the right settings earlier this evening and I was confident that she'd be ok.  I heard a few small tired cries through the monitor and then there was silence, so I assumed my baby had gone to sleep. 

A few hours later as I was going to our room I realised the monitor had somehow been bumped off. I found Addie sleeping in a crumpled heap in her cot. She'd ripped off the bottom sheet and it looked like a disaster zone. The poor baby must have screamed and screamed for mummy, and I never heard her. I have tears in my eyes as I speak. I can't bear the thought of her feeling hopeless, afraid and alone. I know she will experience these things in life, and I can't stop that. It is my job to teach her how to deal with these things but not to cause them. When I lifted her up to fix her bed and give her a better position to sleep she awoke with sobs. The poor baby!!

Its not like the worst thing ever, and maybe its pregnancy hormones making me extra emotional, but I feel like I really failed her. I'm quite sure that in the morning all will be forgiven, and I'll feel better about it too. 

Better times with Addie and Me!